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The Funny Papers

I bought a dog whistle the other day, but I can’t tell if it works.


Every time a plane flies by, my 3 year old daughter points to it and says, “plane, plane.” I feel like I’m living with Tatoo from Fantasy Island.


No matter how hungry I am, whenever somebody gives me a box of popcorn, I turn into Jabba the Hut.

Where does the smoke detector get the power to keep beeping for days after you remove the battery? Couldn’t that mysterious power be used to alert us if there was a fire, so we don’t have to change the battery?


Watching the riots on TV this week, I was horrified by the complete violation of the 25 looters per store rule put in place by Dr. Fauci.


The vegan grocery store didn’t get looted. I guess no one will eat that stuff even if it’s free.


It must suck being a small business owner. For last 3 months, if you opened your store, you were getting arrested. Now if you’re closed, you get looted.


Good news: MLB announced they will be able to start the season with full stadiums as long as the fans bring bricks, sticks or Molotov Cocktails. apparently those things prevent spread of Covid-19 in crowds.

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Judd Garrett is a former NFL player, coach and executive. He is a frequent contributer to the website Real Clear Politics, and has recently published his first novel, No Wind

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